"...A COMMON SLICE..." Cheyanna West

We all know those lucky or some would say blessed couples that have been married twenty, thirty, forty even fifty years.  Their lives have not always been easy, but there was a special magic that held them together. Alas, I am not one of them, but not for the lack of trying.  The fact is I have been married 4 times for a total of 28 years. The magic was never there.

Born with a heart the size of Texas, it has been broken more times than I can count.  Always listening with my heart, and ignoring the “wiser” council from my head, has left me settling for less than I truly wanted.   Don’t get me wrong, there have been many happy years and lots of love shared.  However the deeper, enduring, forever kind of love has always been elusive and the magic was not to be found.   

Emptiness at times consumes my soul.  Unstoppable tears fall like an angry tornado.  Eventually both the storm and the tears dissipate and life moves on. Questions flood my mind.  Where is the joy?  How did I end up like this?  Will I always be alone, unloved?  Seemingly powerless to change my future I have drifted into a state of numbness.  Going through the monitions of daily life but detached, as if watching a movie of someone else’s story.  A fog of despair thickens and I withdrawal deeper into myself, lost like a child surrounded by strangers. With out love…. there is nothing.  Magic… forever lost.  These thoughts dance across the windows of my mind and leave me wanting.


The good news…those scenes are only imagined.  Will I allow the sunshine of hope to burn away the fog of despair?  Slowly, ever so gradually, my heart warms, and I see once again the blank pages of my future. I realize they are yet mine to write.  Stepping boldly forward I try once again.  Gathering strength of will and a determination born of despair, my quest for the magic begins anew.